i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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