I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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