i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
