We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
