Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
