Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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