I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
