im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
