I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
