So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
