He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
