I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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