Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
