I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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