News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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