There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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