just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
