Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
