I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
