Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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