He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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