I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
