You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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