I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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