Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
