I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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