At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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