Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
