just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
