If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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