We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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