I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
