the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
