Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
