I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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