Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
