The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
