mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
