Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
