You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
