We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
