Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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