im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
