It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
