I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
