My liver just broke up with me...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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