I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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