So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
