my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
