now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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