Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
