I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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