Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
