I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
