and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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