she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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