Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
